On Loving and Dying

Last week, my grandmother died.  Here are some of the things I will remember most fondly about her: her silver-white hair, her soft skin, the way she used to make steak and eggs (Spanish style with shredded salt beef mixed in with scrambled eggs...yum).  We used to go over to her house every Sunday and watch movies with our cousins.  She would pop popcorn on the stove-top and always use too much oil so the popcorn would be soggy.  My sister, my cousins and I would watch Spaceballs and Clue on VHS over and over again every week.  She was sweet and kindly, and when she was well, she always had a smile on her face.  But she hadn't been well for a while, and the grandmother of my memories has been gone for a long time.  

Her death was expected, and while we will surely mourn and miss her, I feel comforted knowing that she is no longer in pain or suffering.  I believe that she is somewhere better now, reunited with her husband, the babies she lost decades ago and other friends and loved ones who passed on first.

What was unexpected last week was to learn that a coworker of my husband's had also died.  A coworker who had so much in common with us that it is eerie.  My husband would often come home telling me about how the two of them laughed together about their "crunchy" wives.  They would swap stories about co-sleeping, cloth diapering, new organic foods we insisted that the whole family try or other ridiculous things we would do.  I never met his wife, but I would laugh every time my husband would bring a story home about them.  She sounded like a kindred spirit.

Once upon a time, I worked where my husband does now and I remember this young man well.  He was funny and nice.  He was one of those guys you felt like you knew forever even if you only met him once or twice.  He had an ease about him that helped other people (even shy people like me) feel relaxed.  And if his wife and I look a little alike (according to my husband), he and my husband certainly shared some personality traits.

My grandmother was 93.  Our friend was 34.

That is far too young to leave this earth.  Far too young to leave your little children behind.  Far too young to leave a widow.  I can only hope that she and her children can find some peace and comfort in the support of family and friends at a time like this.

It serves as a reminder.  We never what's ahead for us in this lifetime, and while we might all answer philosophical and religious questions differently, if you love someone, let them know.

I love so many people...shall I start with the person likely to read this first?  I love my sister, and my life without her would be harder, quieter, tamer.  She is a support to me, and a wonderful aunt to my boys.  Without her in my life, I would be lost and lonely.

I love my husband.  He's funny, charming, kind.  He is stubborn, stoic, and sometimes a pain in the ass.  But I fell in love with him the first moment I saw him in 11th grade, and I haven't looked back.  Without him, I wouldn't have my two beautiful sons; without him, my life would be radically different.  And I love my life.

I love my mom.  There is so much to love about my mom I don't even know where to start.  But I'll tell you this...if there is someone on her way to heaven, it's my mom.  She is selfless to a fault; she's kind, generous, funny.  She's the most hands-on Grandma you could imagine.  She's the best mom out there, and I can only hope to be half the mom she is.

My dad...I do love him.  Our relationship is hard to define.  We don't talk much, and part of me really wishes I could change that, but I honestly don't know how.  But he's as funny as my sister is, as stubborn as my mom is.  He's helped to shape me in both good and bad ways.

I'm lucky that I have so many people in my life to love that I can't possibly list them all.  My two rascally nephews, my sweet and bossy niece.  My mother-in-law, my father-in-law, both my brothers-in-law.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends.  But of course, more than anyone, I love my children.  I snuggle my boys daily and tell them I love them daily.  Life is too short to do anything else.